Thursday, May 1, 2008

Rules of the Stable: Horse Humor

Horse lovers know that their equine pals have an excellent sense of humor, albeit subtle. So today, I thought it wise, to do a flying lead change and post an amusing set of rules which horse fans have put together in an attempt to keep order at the barn. I would like to thank Jock4Hire for sharing the "rules", and M00NLTSNTA for the adorable photograph of her equine and feline friends.



1. I am human. You are horse. What I say goes. Please take that into consideration when you are standing on my foot.

2. Spilled grain is not "fair game", especially when it is spilled in another horse's stall. It still belongs to that particular horse. You have no reason to go in and eat it.

3. Poop does not need to be hidden. I clean your stall every day. I will find it. Do not hide it. (Kitties will disagree vehemently.)

4. I do not need your help when I clean the stable, nor do I need your supervision, or even your presence. I have been cleaning the stable and stalls ever since you lived here. I know what I am doing. Standing at the door staring at me, will not make me clean faster.

5. You do not have to break in to the store room to get at the feed. Meals are given at specific times of the day. There is a schedule. You know the schedule. I know you know the schedule. You know that I know that you know the schedule. There is no need to help yourself.

6. Water buckets are not toys. Neither is the gate, pitchfork, wheel barrow, whatever is in the wheel barrow, fence, or the occasional dog.

7. The wheel barrow is there for a reason. Please do not try to move it while I am cleaning your stall.

8. Because I have just come out of the tackroom doesn't mean you automatically get food. There is other stuff in the tackroom. Stuff you don't want: like wormer, fly spray, shots, and medicine.

9. Sheath cleaning will NOT be anyone.

10. Water travels through the hose. If you are thirsty, do not stand on the hose. The water buckets will fill much faster.

11. Not everything has to be high drama. None of the following things will kill you: fly spray, plastic bags, balloons, hoses, squirrels and other small rodents, or bright blue tarps.

12. Although I understand the need for you to relieve yourself, it is not necessary to hold it in all day until the moment I finish cleaning your stall and put away the wheel barrow.

13. Accidents happen. However, I'm not altogether sure you're not trying to kill yourself. Next time you decide to impale yourself on some sort of object, please try to do it when it's not hailing, midnight, the weekend, or Christmas.

14. While I appreciate your need to be clean, pooping in your water bucket does not make my job easier, and it deprives you of water. Please find a new spot.

15. Whinnying as loudly as you can in my face does not make me feed you any faster.

16. I have to wait patiently too, while you are being shod. There is no need to bite me.

I hope you enjoyed this "New Rules", which even Bill Maher might find worthy for his show, "Real Time." Please leave a comment and share any other rules that you might want enforced!


Vicki said...

This is too cute. And I think I have experienced every one of them. I could add one more thing to it. My horses lie! If my son feeds them their afternoon meal and they get finished, they still yell at my husband when he gets home, hoping he will not know they have already been fed, and he will feed them again.

Anonymous said...

I had to laugh at alot of these! Sure sound familar!
Happy Birthday Barbaro! Thnking of you Big Boy. You sure loved your bath time!

Luvbarbaro said...

I had to laugh out loud when I read that one!! Especially the pooping in the water bucket one!! Too Funny!!

LOL Vicki!! These animals, I tell ya, they are smarter than us humans -- very sneaky!! :>)

Thaxt said...

1.Manure in the water bucket IS fun (for the horse) if it's done on a more or less daily & regular basis. It is a statement, but, one you don't want if you are cleaning numerous stalls ,also on a regular basis. After all, you're the one who's lugging that water to Horsie.

2. Sheath cleaning is awful because it is done by a human. They are of little interest to Mr. Horse. A mare in heat would be
less awful.

3."I am a human, you are a horse. I'm actually averse to telling you what to do UNLESS you are standing on my foot, swatting my face with your tail, or about to run over me."

4. If you run into a horse that likes to have its stuck-out tongue pulled about by you, you both might make the evening run of YouTube add-ons.

5. If a human whispers (or even spells) the word ((("carrot"))) within 5 miles of any horse farm, you will hear what seems to be an ((((electric ripple))) of (((whinnys))) run thru the entire facility.

6.If anyone rustles a plastic bag of c______s within 10 miles of any horse farm, the same thing will happen. You will be buried (or eaten) alive by extended necks if you even walk into such a place @ that point.

The plastic bag (& possibly your hand) might go down with the carrots,even if you do get that far.

7.Most horses don't crave MacDonald's french fries.

Note that I said "most" here.

Janet Roper said...

Here's one I have to remind Shiloh about: They're fingers, not carrots. You've already eaten your carrots.

And I love the way he's perfected the pathetic, starving horse look whenever a gullible human walks by. He's very good at discerning who's gullible and who is not.

Janet Roper

Kneadstoknow said...

I just had to add a couple from my experience!

1.Oranges and Orange juice give horses the daily requirement of vitamin C. If not offered in sufficient quantities, human must take a huge amount to gain strength to wrestle with an orange craved equine.

2.I will loosen your girth when the ride is over. You will NOT blow up your belly so I cannot fasten it.

3.Screaming riding instructors are scary. I will furnish you with a pair of earplugs. No, I am not calling you a disparaging name.