Monday, February 4, 2008

People Training: From Lucyfur the Cat's Perspective

babyfood

Calling all cats! We MUST join stick together to spread the "people training" gospel, or we might give our humans the idea that training is meant for us. Little do they know that this is not the case!

All purrceptive cats are aware that people train rather easily. The most efficacious  method is to pretend to defer to them as the boss.  This is the most essential rule that must be upheld, otherwise the jig is up!

They have been educated not to offer food under the table while they are eating. But looking up at them lovingly, with a "starving" expression on our face, with our pleading eyes for which we are famous, often inspires them to leave the dining area and offer us treats away from the table.  This is a most effective strategy with visitors as these particular humans are generally more sympathetic to our requests for a snack, and want to make a good impression as the "good guys."

One of the most important aspects in human training is to school them to respond to  our innocent demands to be fed early in the morning. When it is not granted quickly enough, we must take immediate action. Humans hate to have their slumber interrupted, so what works for me is to barrage them with incessant "meowing", accompanied with paw prodding.If these methods fail, immediately  escalate to hair chewing. This method rarely fails. Humans learn quickly that their desire for extended sleep will be rewarded immediately with silence, once they perform the difficult, but habit forming act of acquiescence to our requests.

As every cat is aware, similarly to our furless caretakers, we have our food preferences. Quite understandably, given the state of the economy in our country so I am told,  humans often forget that our appetites will only be satiated by our chosen variety of brands and flavors.  They often have lapses in memory and  mistakenly grab items on sale off supermarket shelves, due to their misconception that all cat food is basically identical. We must educate them that even though they think they are saving money, by our constant refusal of  unacceptable food offerings which are generally discarded to the trash bin, it is much more economical in the long run, to serve up our highly desirable brands.  Starving us in an attempt to win what may be perceived as a power struggle is, after all, potentially dangerous to our health and I am certain that humans wish us no harm.

I have highlighted just a few of the more common areas in training your human. I am highly interested in learning what additional  aspects of instruction are important to you in your relationship with your caretaker. Please let me know and I will do my best to provide accurate and fool-proof tips.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Looks like you have your "people" trained right, Lucy!

Pam said...

"One of the most important aspects in human training is to school them to respond to our innocent demands to be fed early in the morning. When it is not granted quickly enough, we must take immediate action. Humans hate to have their slumber interrupted, so what works for me is to barrage them with incessant 'meowing', accompanied with paw prodding."

This is so true! I now set out food just before I go to bed so that they won't be starving in the morning. One or the other still curls around my head, pokes their nose (with whiskers) under my chin, or decides they really need to knead my nightgown. Believe it or not, I usually sleep through the latter, waking up dripping wet.

renegade cowgirl said...

2 funny! Yes cats do train their humans. My husband is very well trained by our kitties. If he doesn't get up to feed them in the morning they will get on the headboard of the bed and do a flying leap onto his body. He responded by feeding them. Bad behavior treated! And now what have we learned? It is this way with all animals. Don't ever feed into the negative unless you want this to be a happening event.

Rani said...

Entirely true... and you know, there IS a handbook written by a cat, teaching these techniques. It is called "The Silent Miao" and it is dangerous manual in the paws of the wrong cat!

Rani